I’m his everything.
At least that’s what Cairo used to tell me before he dedicated his time and love to the streets. Yeah, we have money and I don’t really have much to complain about; the hottest cars, clothes, trips to any part of the world I choose, and the finest in jewelry. Of course, all of that comes as gifts attached to lame apologies for the different women and the late nights out when he should be laid up with me.
I used to think that by now we’d be married with four or five babies. Yeah, I love my man so much I wanted to give him that many. I’d give him anything.
He took everything.
I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling as I ran my hands down my long legs. I am aching for his touch, but once again Cairo is nowhere to be found. He don’t even call me to let me know if he’s okay.
My girls, my family, they laugh and take my life as a joke. They can’t understand what it is about this man that’s got me so far gone. I think they’re just jealous, always have been. Ten years and half the chicks I know can’t even keep a man for a week. In spite of whatever dirt he does, I got mine. He ain’t going nowhere.
I looked over at the alarm clock next to our bed and sighed.
After turning over and covering my body, I was just drifting off to sleep when I heard our bedroom door open. I could hear Cairo stumbling, mumbling to himself as he struggled to take his jacket off. I could smell the cheap perfume mixed with the expensive alcohol he loved.
“Loni, I know you’re up and waiting for me.” I already know he’s been in the back of his boy’s strip club fuckin’ some random bitch. “Loni.” I said nothing and that led to him calling out my entire first name. “Apollonia, stop acting like you don’t hear me.”
He chuckled to himself before sitting beside me, rubbing my shoulders gently as he leaned down and nuzzled his face close to my neck, kissing my spot. “I’m not about to sleep with you.”
I pushed him off of me and sat up, staring into his eyes after I turned one of the lamps on. “Because you come in here at three in the morning, smelling like some cheap bitch that’s probably got stab wounds and stretch marks and you think that shit is okay. I’m tired of it.”
“You’re tired? Oh, but you’re not tired of those cars in the garage. You’re not tired of the stacks I give you daily for your shopping and shit. You’re not tired of that big ass engagement ring, are you?”
I rolled my eyes, hating that he always threw this money and material shit in my face. Acting as if I’m not a big part of why his hustle is so strong and his enemies have yet to take his ass out. “That’s what the hell I thought. I don’t know why you’re acting like what I do is something new to you. Shit, at least you know. I could be one of these dog ass niggas that does dirt behind your back and lie to your face.”
“Yeah, because knowing that you still fuck your baby mama and having her laugh in my face anytime I see her in public is so great.”
“I told you, you can walk any time you get ready. But you won’t, and you know why you won’t ever leave? Because ain’t no other nigga gon’ take care of you the way I do.”
“Just like ain’t no other bitch gon’ hold you down the way I do. Ugh, I’m not putting up with this tonight.” Not without a few blunts and a whole bottle of jack.
I grabbed two of my pillows and started to stand up, trying to head to the living room so that I could sleep on the couch.
Cairo grabbed my wrist and pulled me back down, pinning me down as he climbed over me. Because he knows my knees weaken anytime he kisses me, and I lose my backbone the instant his large hands come in contact with any part of my small frame; he put an end to whatever angry thoughts ran through my mind. He ran his fingers through my hair as I spread my legs and he kissed from my lips down to my neck.
“Why do you do me like this?” Cairo didn’t say a word. Instead he pulled away and slowly removed the panties and t-shirt I wore. Whispered in my ear about how beautiful I am, how he can’t see himself without me being by his side. Everything he knew I wanted and needed to hear.
He looked me in my eyes and gave a small smile before apologizing as he undressed himself. “You’re not sorry Cairo.”
“I am. You know I love you, right?”
I didn’t answer. Instead, I wrapped my arms around Cairo, moaning lowly as he guided himself inside of me. He cursed under his breath and held me a little closer, taking his time and teasing me with each slow and long stroke.
“Just like I like it.” I nodded slowly, turning my face away from his as a single tear fell down my right cheek. “Is it mine?”
“Yes.” Our bodies moved to the rhythm I set as I gripped him tighter, begging for him to go deeper as I scratched his back, even though I know he hates when I leave them in more than one spot.
Just like any other time, I’d made a tiny attempt to stand up and he shut it down. He never apologizes, he never says he loves me but he’d done both of those this time and I wanted to be happy. I am happy, but I hate myself for being so damn foolish when it comes to this dude.
Sometimes I don’t want to love him, but I do.