I took a deep breath, resting my head against my window as I watched the rain fall. Way past midnight, pitch black in my bedroom, and the only sound to be heard are my sobs and deep sighs. I don’t know how I even got to this point, but the tears don’t stop. I couldn’t stop them, even if I tried.
It seems like just yesterday, I was on top of the world. Riding on a cloud of fantasies, hopes and dreams. Now, my whole world has caved in. Everything is upside down, topsy turvy. My mama always said, never let a man drag me down so low that I can’t lift myself back up.
But… I’ve never listened to my mama, and here I am, going down.
Clearing my throat, I picked up my phone and dialed his number. The only number that was important to me. Maybe if I could just hear him say hello, I can hang up and be okay. Maybe that will help me get out of this spot I’ve been in. Maybe.
“Yo, it’s mad late. Who is this?” I held my breath, unsure of what to say. “Who is this?”
“C-can you just tell me why? What did I do that was so bad, so wrong? Baby, why’d you leave me?”
I could hear him taking a deep breath, sounding as if he was sitting up or moving around. And then I heard it, a very faint whisper. But I know another woman’s voice. “Yo, Cassy, now’s not a good time for us to talk about this.”
“It needs to be a good time! You won’t talk to me; not returning my calls, ignoring me when you see me in public. Couldn’t you see it in my eyes, the pain you’re causing! I just need an explanation.”
“I-I I can’t give you that right now, Cassy. It’s not a good time. Bye.”
“No, no wait.” I sighed, finding it hard to believe that I’d gotten to this point. “Please, just hear me out. Tell me what I did wrong? Tell me how I can fix it. I will do whatever. I just, I can’t lose you. I don’t know what I would do without you in my life. I’m sorry, whatever I did, I am so sorry.”
“Cassy, please stop with this. Look, you and I had something and it lasted a long time, but sometimes you just have to move on.”
“Yes. It’s not that you did something wrong. I’m just moving on with my life.”
“But I need you in mine! Baby, I’m drowning in my tears over here, I’m losing my mind. I need you!”
He groaned. “Cassy, please have some type of dignity about this. “You’re not drowning, you will be just fine once you realize that it was just time for us to part.”
“No, I can’t be without you.”
And he hung up in my face, causing me to throw my phone just as it began to rain harder. The raindrops hitting my window pain with as much force as I felt my heart trying to beat it’s way out of my chest.
Everything; my life, my world… it’s all crashing, going down.