I woke from the ‘dreams’ that plagued me nightly, drenched in wetness that I could never be certain was sweat or tears.
Hitched breathing became heavy panting, heaving, and I could feel my body crumbling at the realization that would forever hit like a ton of bricks.
It was like clock work, a pain driven reminder of what was and what would never be.
Though the sun beamed brightly through the half opened blinds that adorned my bedroom, it like the rest of the world around me looked bleak.
Darkness settled and the summer heat gave way to the cold chill that always wrapped itself around me after these ‘dreams’.
I tried to take it as a sign that she knew I was missing her, needed her though I was nearing thirty and should be perfectly fine on my own.
Should be fine since I only remembered her face when I looked in a mirror.
Instead, once more I’m left wondering if I am foolish for wondering where she’s gone and if she’s gone to stay. Gone and truly never returning. If somehow she misses me as badly as I miss her.
I haven’t seen or felt sunshine since she went away, and without her… I’m not sure if I’ll ever be okay.