The world beneath my window was a motion filled blur, my emotions ran high and my sense had long been absent before I even got to this moment. My tears, fresh and warm, fell in heavy streams, hitting the floor just in front of my bare feet.
Only the wall behind me was offering the stability I needed, holding me up as my legs gave out with each and every word the man I loved uttered in a calm manner. I’d known it all along, that he had nothing to lose. I should have known that he wouldn’t have even attempted to risk it all if I asked.
I wrapped my arms around myself, longing for his touch. Wishing my heart didn’t feel so empty with him near me, wishing my body and soul hadn’t been used as a pastime just because he couldn’t make up his mind.
The world beneath my window seemed bleak, a bunch of bodies moving in the spirit of happiness I once possessed. That very spirit of happiness he ripped away when he announced he could not, and would not, leave his wife.
Not for me. Not for the woman who loved him for all that he was and all that he would be, not what he had. Nothing mattered any longer, and I should have fallen out of love immediately; but I was still enamored, still lost in all he’d shown me when I had been a priority.
“You have to understand my position.”
“I’m trying. But, just as I can’t forget or pretend that we haven’t loved one another in ways most could only pray to be loved, I can’t understand. Why’d you bother me, shift my world, change my life when you knew you never meant to stay through those changes? How do I go back, how do I find who I was before you? She was happy before, and now…”
“I don’t know what to tell you. Just, in passing, act as if we never met.”
The world beneath my window disappeared completely, I shut it out… begging him to leave and take all that would remind me of him.