At this point, the novel should be out and I should be letting it do whatever it will do, considering I’m self publishing.
However; the thought that comes to mind each time I make up my mind to get back into re-writing and editing my debut is; what if it doesn’t do shit?
What if no one likes it?
What if people have lied to me for the last 20 years about me being any good?
What if I don’t succeed the way I think I can and should?
I can be honest. I hold myself back from a lot, but it is an honest and legit fear. I’m not as supported as I would like to be. And after writing for 20 years (I’m not even 30 yet), I’m still not where I want to be. And I’m almost 30, so at this point, not being where I want to be, I consider myself to be a bit of a failure.
It’s taking me so long because I am fucking scared of what I feel being proved correct.
That I’m not good enough.
That I won’t succeed at the only thing I’m good at.