Red cup filled to the rim,
Tears hitting the table as I stare blankly into space.
My soul’s so lost, heart’s full of pain,
Nothing could numb this more than a glass of crown
And a dance in the rain.
Nothing can heal me more than shot after shot,
And a truthful talk as hard drops of water hit my face,
While I dance, and prance, and cry in the rain.
So I sip, and I sip, and I sip until I hit that point where I stand
And take uneven dips, struggle with my steps,
And “oops, haha, I almost slipped”, and then I slip.
I stand and stumble, making my way out the door,
Squinting my eyes as I watch the rain; it pours and it pours.
Hand out, little droplets hit my fingertips and I step out slowly.
Step into it so that the rain can console me.
And as I spin around,
Nature’s shower drenching me while my bare feet pick up the dirt from the ground,
I cry and I begin my date with God in the rain.
Now, I know He has to be looking down on me asking
“My child, how can you step before me to speak when you’re not even in the right place spiritually, mentally, or emotionally?”
Well, I figured this would be the best time,
Because they say a drunken tongue speaks a sober mind.
And all I’m trying to do is speak my mind, and find peace of mind.
So I cry, and bare my soul,
Asking why are the things I want taking so long?
Asking why it seems no one cares, why do I constantly feel alone?
Why is there no place for me to be free, and feel loved?
Why can’t I love myself enough to know that I need no one’s approval but God’s
And my own?
“I wasn’t able to have a mother to teach me my worth. And I wasn’t born pretty. I’m not skinny, and I cy too much. Maybe I’m just dumb. I should probably stop telling myself I’m talented when it’s well known that I’m worthless. You know, maybe it’s because I’m just undeserving. Yeah, yeah, I’m unworthy. And I’m hurting, and can’t stop. And I hate myself with every part of my being; I hate myself, and I can’t stop. I feel abandoned, family don’t even have my back. Doesn’t that say a lot? I’m not supposed to question your will, but why God, why?”
And as the rain beats against my back,
My tears creating ripples in the puddles that lay before me,
I sink lower.
And I pray for healing.
I pray that this drunken date with God, in the rain,
Cleanses me of all the hurt, and anger, and pain I’ve been feeling
Before it’s too late.