Eli walked in calmly, speaking politely as the love of his life invited him into her home. It’d been a little over three weeks since they’d last seen one another, since they’d last argued, since she’d claimed she never wanted to see him again.
Having gone down the breakup road numerous times, he finally decided that he would not be the first to initiate a sit-down to talk out what was slowly becoming an ongoing problem with the two of them. Though it pained him greatly, he only made a move when she called. And even then, he made her wait a few extra days, just to see if she’d change her mind.
“I’m glad that you’ve agreed to see me.”
He paused mid-step, turning to face her. As mad as he wanted to be, his look only softened as he stared into her doe-like eyes. She was as beautiful as ever, petite and fragile. He only wished to pull her into his arms, shower her in his love and kisses, the way he always did.
Still, he held his ground, simply nodding before he continued into the living area. Thanking her when she offered a seat, he sat comfortably and waited. He would not initiate the conversation either.
Caitlyn sighed, wondering if the last time she sent him away had been the final time he’d allow her to cross the line. She’d admit, shamefully, she played with his heart and emotions one too many times. So bent on testing his loyalty, his desire to be with and around her, so certain that at some point his actions would stop matching his words. And just as she knew her own actions were always foolish, sending him through hoops that seemed impossible to jump through, she knew eventually she’d lose him for good.
Standing before him, as he sat silent and stone faced, she prayed for a last chance she was certain she didn’t deserve.
“How have you been, Darling?”
Eli shrugged, cutting her off just before she could begin rambling. “I didn’t come for small talk, Cait. What are we doing?”
“This. Us. This back and forth. Is it on, or off? Are we hot, or are we cold? Are you done? Because I’ll be honest; it’s becoming frustrating, and downright annoying, to be pushed away when I’ve done nothing but proven myself time and time again.” Without warning, a surge of pent up anger burst through. “I mean, one moment I’m you’re king and the next you’re casting me aside like some jester. One minute you’re thrilled and delighted to say that yes, I am yours. And the next, you’ve disowned me. Walking around as if you’ve never even known me. Telling people you’ve never even loved me. Try as I might to break from it all, I can’t. I stay and I take it, can’t bare to walk away because it hurts too much to be without you. Temporary love and constant rejection, that’s the cycle.”
Caitlyn ran her fingers through her hair. “I-I-I…” She sighed heavily, shrugging her shoulders. This infuriated Eli. The sight of him angry, foreign to Caitlyn, sent a bout of guilt through her. He spoke up again, and she allowed him, giving him the room to finally vent.
“Unfortunately, I feel I’ll always be that fool that keeps running back. I’m yours, no matter what happens because you’re all that my heart has known. You’re the only one I’ve never been afraid to give it to. I was made to love only you, but I truly believe you’re too blind to see just how true and beautiful this love, designed just for you, can be if you would let it flourish.”
“I just need to know that you’re in this for the long haul. I need assurance, constant assurance.”
“By doing what? Testing me!?” He stood tall, shaking his head as she took quick steps back. “Nagging and dogging me every chance you think is perfect when all I have ever been is honest and forthcoming, a man of my word. Bending over backwards to do any and everything only to be told constantly that it’s just not enough? What do I need to do? Prove how deep this love is, how much stronger it grows each hour, pinpoint every little moment that solidified my love for you?”
“I-I…” She groaned, stumbling over the words that she couldn’t find or piece together correctly.
“I am enchanted, under your spell completely. You could tell me to jump in the ocean, off a cliff, into a lake of fire and I would do it if it reassured you that my heart and soul are yours, that I belong to you and only you. Tell me, what will it take? And once I do it, what are YOU going to do with me? If it’s nothing, and there’s nothing you feel you can do, please let me go so that I can attempt to break away and move on. I won’t, but at least give me the room to finally try. Tell me, because I need to know.”
“I just don’t know if the constant need for assurance will ever go away. I don’t know why I doubt you, your love, I don’t know what brings about these thoughts that things between us will end badly. I just, I don’t know, Eli. I want things to always be great, I want to be with you. I don’t want to go back and forth, breaking up and making up. But I can’t change the way I am. I don’t know.”
He nodded, willing himself to grow calm again. Stepping to her, Eli gently pulled Caitlyn into his arms. Placing a soft kiss on her lips, he pushed her away after a few moments and smiled. “Then there’s nothing for us to work out.” Her heart sank. “Not at the moment. Perhaps, after you’ve taken time for yourself; to figure out what you want and what you want to do with this, and us, we can talk again. I’ll be waiting.” Though he wasn’t sure how long, Eli gave her a bit of reassurance that he hoped she’d hold on to, a bit he hoped would wake her up. “Call me when you know, Pretty Baby.”
And with those final words, he walked out. Broken, unsure of what he would do with himself until she made her choice.